Living next to a storage trailer? Get used to it

Nov 09, 2023

One of the most hilarious comedy clips on YouTube is George Carlin's "Stuff" routine.

"That's all your house is -- it's a pile of stuff with a cover on it," he says. "Sometimes, you gotta get a bigger house. Why? Too much stuff!"

Carlin ruefully observes that millions of Americans actually have to buy "self storage" space because we have too much stuff. "Imagine that -- a whole industry based on keeping an eye on your stuff!" he says.

Those that can afford cable, even watch TV shows like A&E's "Hoarders" and TLC's "Hoarding: Buried Alive," probably relate because most of us see a little of ourselves in these confused souls whose homes and yards are chockablock with useless junk.

All of this would be quite funny, unless you happened to live next to one of those individuals who has too much stuff.

We received a complaint from a homeowner who lives on Broadbridge Avenue in Stratford, in the vicinity of the Success Avenue intersection.

There's a guy in her neighborhood who has a boat in his yard. And a storage trailer. Not just any storage trailer, but what's known in the shipping trade as a "Type H ISO intermodal container," the 42-foot-long metal boxes that are used to transport all that stuff we buy from China across the Pacific. Someday this great nation of ours will sink beneath the earth's crust under the weight of all of the stuff that's being sent to our shores in these ISO containers.

Until that fine day arrives these storage containers, and especially these out-sized ISO boxes, are making lives miserable for the people who have to live next door to them. Imagine looking out your kitchen window and seeing a metal box big enough to hold two cars -- it feels like you're living on a loading dock. Now, imagine trying to sell your house after your neighbor decides to plunk an ISO container a few feet from your property line.

Don't look now, but ISO containers are being used worldwide as units for housing, offices and medical clinics. So get used to them.

Pretty soon, we'll all have them. We need them to mark the final step in the American evolution from a nation devoted to fostering an environment where the human spirit and genius can flourish, to one in which you grab as much stuff as you can.

Oh, wait, there are those pesky anti-blight ordinances on the books, right. Surely, in Stratford, you can't just plunk these things down so it looks like a staging area at the Port of New York/New Jersey?

We called Gary Lorentson, the planning and zoning administrator for the Town of Stratford, and also the go-to guy for blight complaints. We asked him, "Aren't these things against the law?"

"I agree with you that it does not look attractive," he said, "but it does meet all the setback requirements, and he does have a shed permit."

That's right. Mr. Lorentson explained to us that under the zoning laws for the Town of Stratford, it's legal to keep a Type H ISO intermodal container in your backyard, provided you apply for and are granted a "shed permit" for the structure. In this case, the owner of the offensive ISO container got a permit for the thing more than a decade ago. And, as with any shed permit, once it's granted, it's valid for as long as it stands.

As for the boat, there's no relief there, either. In fact, Stratford has no length limit on boats stored in your yard. That's right. You could recover the RMS Lusitania from off the coast of Ireland, all soggy 787 feet of her, have it placed in your backyard so your kids will have a place to play "Calico Jack" and there's not a thing your neighbor could do about it, provided it meets the setback requirements.

Boats in Stratford don't need a storage permit. They can't be kept in the front yard and you can only keep one boat greater than 24 feet in your yard. They also must be kept at least three feet from your neighbor's property line.

"I agree with her -- I would not want to live next to a trailer like that, either," Mr. Lorentson said. "But there's really no recourse for her. Here, there's no violation of zoning or blight."

We did find out that, at least in Stratford, those "PODS" storage containers are indeed illegal, particularly if they're on a driveway in the front yard. "If we get a complaint about one, we'll tell them that they can't keep it there," he said.